Every year in April, the people of America celebrate Earth Day. It's a day, set up by the well meaning totally balanced media to stop and take stock of Gaia, our Precious Mother. We don't believe that one day a year is good enough!

Here at Second Harvest, everyday is Earth Day!

We believe:

• Earth is overpopulated.
• Our natural resources are running out.
• There is no evil in Nature.
• Mankind is evil.
• Mankind is not a part of Nature because there is no evil in nature.
• There is no pollution in the world that does not occur as a result of Mankind living here.

Because of our beliefs, it is our goal to help Mankind live a zero impact existence with minimal impact on the Gaia, our Precious Mother, and Her creations. To this end, we have looked to the Native Americans of the South Western United States.

In times of famine, no doubt brought on by the invasion of white Europeans, the Native Americans would institute a policy of "Second Harvest".

By collecting their own excrement and rinsing away the objectionable bits, they would then eat the undigested bits of food that were left.

While we like this approach, we believe it wastes water unnecessarily, so we have turned to Chef Otto Von Rechtumpfluffer where he uses the entire biomass (previously referred to as "crap") to create tasty nuggets of Earth Friendly goodness.

But the process is not perfect. It takes at least 10 ounces of biomass to make one once of recycled food product. That's a lot of shit!

So we have taken the liberty of installing harvesters in our Gender Neutral restrooms and at various public facilities throughout the city. You may have seen them and wondered what they were. Wondered what kind of person would leave a pasta colander in a toilet. Well, now you know! And knowing is half the battle.

So walk, ride your bike, take public transportation, or fire up your solar-electric car and visit us at Second Harvest. Your Precious Mother will thank you.